Archive for June, 2011

My Unlikely First

Posted on June 30, 2011. Filed under: At Random |

They say there’s always a first time in everything. First time to ride a bike, drive a car, cook fried eggs, taste of alcohol, first kiss or even the first date (without your parents knowing), all of these extra-ordinary events in our lives have set our temperatures high, increased the excitement while doing something we have never done before, triggered our curiosity on the wild possibilities, we can literally hear our hearts beat with the thrill brought about by the level of challenge.

Because of these firsts, we have developed our armor to be ready in facing the real world. Our shields varied depending on how we accepted both the positive and negative results of our actions.  It could either equip us with the best shield against life’s trials or make us the weaker link and be forever afraid.

I had my own share of greats and worst scenarios and although I became superficially invincible, inside of me lurked a dark spot of unwanted fears. My former defeats have left me scarred enough not to take chances. I have become a mediocre on my decision-making capability that for sure inhibited myself from more opportunities that may have made me a much better person.

One time, a long-lost friend came back and became part of my daily routine. It was ages since we last saw each other that we kept connection uninterrupted from then and did not seem to mind that eventually we kept on reminiscing the past over and over again. For so long a time that we lost contact, we pursued life with different perspectives. We had our own share of good and bad decisions and for sure, we faced every consequence with heads up high.  I never realized that he has always trusted me as a confidante, a true friend and I guess I have never appreciated nor reciprocated the importance that this person has given me. From then on, I never felt so secured since I finally found a special person that I can entrust my life and my children’s.

Eventually, the unique bond led us to venture into something more complex. We just realized that what we had is more than friendship, something that I thought would never be possible as this part is a closed chapter in my book after all of the broken experiences that I had in the past. I never thought that once again, I am to find myself taking a risk that had wounded my persona for the longest time. This became my unlikely first.

People around me have been playing clairvoyant that again, I will end up failing in what they considered another unnecessary gamble on my part. I guess they based their perspective on my life’s precedent of failures in this category. I actually didn’t need anyone’s influence because this time I tried my best to be analytical in making my decision. There would be times that fear would corner me and hypnotize me to run away yet every time I look into his eyes I see sincerity and assurance that I would turn into a brave warrior again.

I thought I have seen it all that I wouldn’t catch myself amazed with new things, I was wrong.

He has given me countless firsts. First time that I am truly taken cared of that I just don’t have a single ounce of hesitation in me. First time finding a friend, brother, lover and husband, all in one person. First time to completely open myself without fear and distrust. First time to appreciate not only the value of patience but most of all contentment. First time to be loved this way and finally experience real happiness.

The many firsts that I never expected came at the right moment when I needed it most, when I felt I should start being ready to be alone.

I am grateful for the fact that I took this chance with my bestfriend. After a year of marriage, I know we can face whatever it is that will come our way.

Owen, I am giving you my word that I will give it my all for us to continue having the harmonious relationship that we now enjoy. I may stumble from time to time so please bear with me for I am only human, capable of making mistakes. But I can assure you that even if I may unintentionally hurt your feelings at some point, I only have the best intentions in mind.

My unlikely first to take a chance despite the odds have given me countless blessings and I thank you for it.

Always remember that I am here for you and I am proud to be Remilyn Ibrado-Bayog.

Happy Anniversary Sweet! I love you very much.